Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and like most people when I think
of Thanksgiving I think of food. In the
past few years I have developed a borderline insane obsession with making
Thanksgiving dinner. While many people
try to stick others with the responsibility (“We can’t host this year, our
kitchen is infested with mutated rabid flying squirrels. Too bad!
Maybe next year…”) I dream of the day when I get to tackle the big meal
all by myself. I know…I told you it was
insane! Because I've always been single
and living in a tiny apartment I've never had the opportunity to host. So I channel my culinary frustration into
compulsively watching Thanksgiving specials on the Food Network.
Which brings me to my main topic of concern…food network
hosts. Why are food network hosts so polarizing? It seems like for everyone who loves Rachel
Ray and thinks she’s revolutionized dinner prep there are an equal number of people
who think she is a shrill harpy who seriously needs to take a chill pill. Personally, I can’t stand the Pioneer Woman,
Ree Drummond. I know she has a huge
following on her blog, but for some reason I never connected with her. And then I read her autobiography and learned
that she ran over her own dog and then still went on a date with her boyfriend. Nope, no can do. Or what about Paula Deen? My mom absolutely can’t stand her and gets
annoyed whenever her show comes on. She even
can’t stand people who remind her of Paula Deen. But there are tons of people who adore Paula
and can’t get enough of her homespun country cooking.
I could take or leave Paula myself, but weirdly I’ve
developed a fascination with her two sons, Bobby and Jaime. Not like I think they are cute or I want to
date them or anything. I save my chef
crushes for Alton Brown. What? He’s really smart! Instead I’ve dreamed up an elaborate fantasy
where the brothers are constantly competing for Paula’s love and approval. I have all sorts of evidence that Jaime is
the favorite son. Like for example, he’s
the one who stayed in Savannah with his wife and adorable children while younger
son Bobby left home for the big apple. And
Paula probably doesn’t like apples unless they are in pie form. Also, both Jaime and Bobby had cooking shows
that debuted around the same time. While
Bobby’s healthy cooking show airs on the lesser known and watched Cooking
Channel, Jaime’s family cooking show plays on the Food Network. Interesting, no? Although now that Paula has announced that
she has diabetes Bobby might gain some ground.
I indulged my conspiracy theories last week while watching
the Deen brothers Thanksgiving special. The show was actually a charming program about
the brothers making Thanksgiving dinner for their mom, but I envisioned it as a
cage match between Bobby and Jaime. A
food fight to the death where each son attempted to win his mother’s love
through strategically implemented calories.
For the record, I’m Team Bobby.
So hopefully your Thanksgiving finds you surrounded by good
food, friends and family. I know mine
will. But as the rest of the family is
settling down to watch football or parades, I’ll be sneaking off to watch Food
Network and dreaming of all the elaborate recipes I can make in my imagination. And dreaming of Alton Brown…obviously!
Happy Thanksgiving!
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